I

Eori. It means “alone,” but it also means “capable.” In Heorlas’s history, being a self-sufficient person has been somewhat of a desirable archetype to fill in society. A person who is alone, who treads the sands against the Long Sea for days on end, sustaining themselves on the safe berries in the brush and the sharp crabs in the muck—that person is the one who is able and, by extension, trustworthy, intelligent, and courageous. 

I don’t know why I got that name. 

My parents no longer walk the sands with me, not since I was just a child whose feet were scabbed by the crabs that rose out of the sand after a wave crashed and rose to grab food—if there was any—left behind by the storm of water, waves soon to return not even ten seconds later.

I wish I could remember more than that, but the simple fact of the matter is that I cannot. 

So, what does this mean for my name’s origins and why I have it? Have I endeavored to find out more about my parents and the people who knew me more before I even knew myself? Have I looked further into the story of “Eori,” putting myself on the grand timeline of Eoris as another inheritor of this name?

To put it bluntly: I don’t care anymore.

I quit staring out the window. The dull haze of the sun through the clouds has burned into my vision.

“Coltello,” I shout. The walls creak from the force of my voice, and the mugs on the shelf threaten to remind me of my only memory of that past. 

Coltello runs down from the second floor. The stairs creak even more under his weight. He ducks his head under the door frame to avoid hitting his antlers on the top.

He looks at me expectantly, annoyed.

“Did you get groceries?”

“No.”

“I wanted to make a pasta dish today,” I sigh. He looks at me like I’m crazy.

“If you want to make your pasta dish, go get the stuff yourself. I’m not your father.”

Ouch. He knows what gets me going. No, I can empathize with what he’s feeling, but I really cannot be bothered to deal with it right this moment.

“Damn you, Coltello. You’re a real ass, you know that?”

He puffs out his chest a bit and starts towards the stairs again. He hits his antlers against the doorframe and swears. His eyes don’t forget to shoot a glare as he composes himself and goes up properly.

We have been roommates for two years. We go to Heorlas College in View-of-Few. It’s the worst of the colleges in this country, and naturally only the worst students end up coming here. But for Coltello, it was the best chance he got to get out of Den Coyre, a country far away where nothing much happens according to him. 

It’s a place occupied mostly by his sort of people, and it goes without saying that Den Coyre supplies much of the agricultural output of this side of the continent. But he didn’t want to be a farmer like his dad and his grand-dad. 

He wanted to be an aerospace engineer. He always dreamed of reaching the stars, so he says.

I, on the other hand, have a simpler reason for being here. I’m from this town and I figured a degree would do me good, so I did Den Coyrean Studies. What a waste. At least it lets me converse with Coltello easily. 

…

Actually, it isn’t a waste. Sorry, I got ahead of myself. I had always been interested in that distant land. Heorlas, mostly desert, benefits greatly from its relationship with that country of fertile soils and plentiful rains. I wouldn’t have minded taking some sort of government job and working in international relations.

Coltello disappears from the frame. I suppose I’ll have to go get the stuff for pasta myself.

………

“Eori, how nice it is to see your face again!”

I oblige the storekeeper’s son with a smile. But as soon as I look away, my usual gloomy expression returns.

Lorenz is not a bad guy by any means, but I cannot stand him and his luscious long hair that makes mine look like that of a hag in comparison. Moreover, he’s too kind, and I don’t need to be bothered by any sort of emotions that could possibly arise from the sight of him. 

I turn straight into the aisle where you’d probably find pasta (Coltello would have known immediately) and find no pasta. I go into the next aisle, then the next, then I run into a dear old friend that I also dread seeing these days. 

“Eori, how nice it is to see you agai-” She started. “Oh. Have you seen yourself in a mirror lately?”

“Too many times to count.”

“Hey, you really don’t look good. You’ve got crazy eyebags and I can tell your hair hasn’t been washed in a week.”

“Liar. Lorenz was happy to see my face.”

“He’s always happy to see you, Riri.”

I frown. I take his greeting too literally, I think. He comes from a place where they say stuff like “seeing face.” I would know; it was among the first things I learned to say because it’s a thing that Coyreans say all the time when they greet each other. Even then, Coltello hasn’t been saying it. Not since Fates were decided.

Suddenly, Touma’s shirt is covered in my tears.

“What are we supposed to do? Is this really all we can do about this?”

“Eori,” Touma whispered. She, too, is on the verge of tears.

“It’s not fair. There’s still so much to do, so much to see…”

“No. Perhaps we deserved it.”

“How could you know? How could you… accept… such a thing?” My voice quivers with disgust. A beast holding back a savage scream.

She steps back. I willingly let go of her, because I didn’t want her to be here anyway.

“Riri, remember the old sermo—”

I do not want to remember.

“Get away from me, Touma. I have no idea who you are anymore.”

The rickety lights of the store buzz and begin to bore holes into my brain. Let’s just get out of here. Before I make even worse of a scene. There’s nobody else among these aisles of food, and I’m already so embarrassed for letting my emotions get the best of me during this godforsaken time where I should be out and about blindly enjoying the world. This is my time, damnit, and I’ll live it the best that I can.

“Where’s the pasta?”

Touma gazed past me. A little gesture. There it is, the pasta.

“Thanks.”

That took way too long to get through. The sun has already set, and Lorenz suggests that he walk with me back home. He knows where I live, not in a creepy way. I used to hang out with him a lot, almost would have called him a best friend like Touma. I think he had a thing for Coltello, but I couldn’t really tell either way. Sucks, because Coltello actually told me he really liked him, just before the day Fates were decided. 

No words from me about it. If Lorenz wants to come clean with his feelings, then he’ll go confess to Coltello on his own terms.

I politely decline Lorenz’s offer to accompany me home, and I keep up my cheery facade just for him, who I know is suffering from this predicament that we all on this planet Sieve are suffering in excruciatingly loud silence.

Turning to the door, my face becomes blank, unable to put on any emotion. 

Sieve’s Fates are one and the same. The fates of many people, folding into one singular communal fate. Instantaneous death from the impact of an interspace freighter miscalculating its jump from one side of the galaxy to another, they said. Usually it would be the freighter being obliterated, but this one carries the unstable core of a star, so Sieve would be obliterated too, they said. The crew of that freighter doesn’t even know that they’re about to die, they said.

It feels like science fiction. Heorlas, Den Coyre, no, nobody on Sieve knew that such technologies were possible. It was six months ago, announced to us by the authorities of the people on that freighter. It’s impossible to evacuate us or to stop the ship, they said. It’s too complicated, they said. They didn’t even know Sieve was populated, they said.

Damn whatever those aliens said. I want to forget it already.

I don’t even know what instantaneous death would feel like. I just hope it doesn’t hurt.

Sorry Lorenz. 

Sorry Touma.

I’m just not really sure if I’m strong enough for all of this.